Thank you, dear
God, a thousand times thank you, for permitting me to save a young girl
from a life of suffering. Such an innocent creature! What fault does
she have in regards to the blunders and careless ways of her
mother? The sins of the parents’ do not fall on their
children, nor on the fourth, or fifth generation. No, God is much more
Sovereignly Just.
Beloved
manuscript, inseparable lifelong friend, you are the legacy I
will leave to the world! If the contents of your yellow pages serve to
pass on some moral teachings, then I'll be satisfied for having
deposited in them all the impressions of my soul. Old book, you are my
companion! You are my confessor; to you, I tell all I think and do. You
are the mirror of my existence, so therefore, I must confide a new
story to you, and its outcome.
Today, it will
have been now eight months since Miguel had come to me
while I was in the cemetery, to tell me that a woman and a young girl
were waiting for me in the church. I went to the temple and there
waiting for me was a lady. I looked at her and recognized that she was
a recurrent wrongdoer who would come to me every once in a while to
confess her sins. She would tell me she would rectify her behavior but,
she always went back to her old ways; what one learns while young, one
does not forget when old.
I looked at her,
and she told me, “Father, I need to speak with
you at length, for I have come to you today because I am determined to
remedy my faults.”
“They've
told me that you're not alone,” I replied.
“No, I'm
accompanied by Angelina, and while we talk, I would like
for her to stay in the church. She could hear what would not be
convenient for her to hear, “she said.
“If you
wish, we'll all go to the garden where she can remain
passing the time, while the two of us go to my quarters where it is
quiet and where we can talk without worrying about someone overhearing
us.”
“Good
thinking,” said the countess (who belonged to one of
the oldest families of nobility). “Come Angelina.” The
girl, who had been prostrated in front of the altar, got up all of a
sudden and came over to be with us. She looked so very much like the
countess that even a fool would know they were related. The only
difference was that while Angelina was like an angel who still had her
wings, her mother was a Magdalene, without repentance and submerged
within a quagmire of sin.
The three of us
left the church and entered the garden. I called for
Miguel and told him to stay with Angelina. Then the countess and I went
to my quarters. I had her sit down and I sat in front of her and said,
“Let’s talk.”
She said,
“First, let me ask your forgiveness in taking so long
in coming to you.”
“As I have
told you on numerous occasions, there is no man in
this world who has the right to either pardon, or condemn another. God
has no visible delegate on earth; the last one, Jesus, left centuries
ago.”
“I still
see that you continue to be unique Father, in denying
priests the powers which God has conceded them.”
“Priests
have the same powers as the rest of men. They have a
duty to fulfill their obligations, that's all. They can give advice, as
I'm going to do with you. Always, whenever you have come, I have given
you my opinion and then, using your free will, you follow the path that
is the most convenient for you. You have always done this as long as I
have known you.”
“It’s
true, Father, it’s true. I wish I had followed
your advice the first time that I had come to see you!”
“It's
true,” I said, “If you had listened to me,
Angelina would not have come into this world, at least, not with you as
her mother. Poor child!”
“What?
What did you say? Who has told you?” she asked
nervously.
“Who told
me? I already knew, her uncanny resemblance to you says
it to all; you are her mother.”
“Oh,
you're so right,” she said, “And believe me,
this misfortune now obligates me to separate from her and force her to
become a nun, although she totally rejects this idea and her poor
health might suffer. But, there is no other recourse and since the sins
of the fathers’ fall on their children, and she, undoubtedly is a
daughter of sin, it serves justice that she is offered as a suitable
victim.”
“No,”
I said, “In this case, it is you who should
offer yourself. You are the one who has sinned, and under God’s
Justice, the just are not used for the payment of sinners. But for now,
let's drop this point and tell me what you are thinking.”
“Father,
you already know that in my youth, I sinned, because I
loved. Also, I can say that Angelina’s father was my only true
love.”
“Do not
profane love, madam,” I said. “Love is
greater than a satisfied desire, and in you, there has only existed
desire. But . . . the marquis truly loved you.”
“With a
madness, it is true,” she said.
“Is he
still at court, and has he married?”
“He is,
and he's a bachelor.”
“Does he
talk to you?”
“Yes, when
there is no other recourse, but now he hates me.”
“This is
not surprising as you have been so unfaithful.... Has he
tried to see Angelina?”
“He thinks
she is dead.”
“How
so?” I asked.
“It was
convenient for me to separate myself completely from him.
This child would have been a powerful weapon to use against me, if he
had her under his authority. And that is what he wanted to do but to
cut her off from him completely; I told him that she was dead.
Meanwhile, I placed Angelina in a convent. It's been a year since she
was confined. I took her out only because I realized that she would
have died there of consumption. In no way does she wish to go back to
the convent, it broke my heart to listen to her but, there is no other
recourse, a nun she must become. So I told myself that it would be
better for me to bring her to Father Germain. He would convince her and
succeed with sweetness, in what I would have to do by force, because
Angelina has told me that she would kill herself if I locked her up in
there again. Since other ghosts from my past already persecute me...I
do not want the soul of Angelina after me, too.”
“Therefore,
Father, here I bring a legally proper letter of
donation, of my castle and the village of Saint Lawrence, favoring you.
It is only just payment, for such noteworthy service. Compel
Angelina to take her vows, for if you entreat her, I know she will do
it. You are my last hope. Soon my husband and my brother will be
returning from their trip to the Holy Land and Angelina is a hindrance,
so it is necessary that in the meanwhile, she be sent away.”
“You say
she does not want to live the monastic life?” I
asked.
"No, she does
not, but what do you want me to do? The honor of my name
requires a new sacrifice. Here I leave the letter of donation,”
and she put it on the table.
“Good,
from this day on, Angelina stays with me,” I told
her.
“Ah, yes!
Then, I will leave saying nothing to her.”
“It’s
better that way and, do not come around here until I
say so.”
The countess got
up and said, “You are my savior!” and she
hurriedly left my presence. She left just in time, because I was
running out of patience and of tolerance. Oh, how much I suffered when
speaking to immoral people! This countess was a woman without a heart
and her history was full of terrible crimes, and with this new act, she
wants to kill this poor girl. Angelina should live and love, for her
eyes radiate with good sentiments and one can notice in her demeanor
that she has a loving soul.
When I entered
the garden and she noticed that the countess did not
accompany me, she, like a flash of light, understood what had taken
place. She immediately took a hold of my hands and with strong emotion,
entreating me, said, “Father, Father, you have the face of a good
person. Let it be true that you will not compel me to take my vows.
Have pity on me, I am too young to die....!” She stopped
abruptly, and then cried with such profound sorrow, that I was moved
with extreme compassion for her. I hastened to try and pacify her as
much as I could, but the poor thing looked at me with such tremendous
fear.
Then I felt,
flowing through my veins and then throughout my entire
being, that unknown force which comes to me, when I must convince
someone of something or, I must humble a wrongdoer. I felt as if
currents of fire swirled in my head and then, my bent body lifted up
majestically. I took one of her hands, and said, “My child,
listen to me, and listen well. It has been sixty years that I have been
on this earth and lies have never come across my lips. I promise I will
look after you. I will offer you happiness, all the happiness that can
be possible for a woman in this world. I will give you a family! I will
give you days of glory and freedom! Trust me, you poor soul, you have
suffered enough in this world.”
“Oh dear
Father Germain, if you only knew what I have gone
through!” she exclaimed, with such honest emotion that it
was almost as if I was dreaming to hear such a loving voice. She
continued, “I’ve always lived so alone! I do not know how I
did not lose my mind. At night, I would dream that I was away from the
convent and I felt so happy.... I was riding a horse, and many horsemen
followed me, but my horse always ran faster then theirs, but oh, how
horrible it was for me to awaken. When I would wake up, I would see I
was a prisoner in a somber fortress. I watched those ladies passing me
in their black habits, with their cadaver-like faces, without ever
seeing a smile upon their harsh lips... It scared me so horribly that I
would then start running around like a crazy person, yelling,
‘dear God, dear God, have pity on me...!’ And evidently,
God took pity on my suffering because then the countess took me away
from there, to the castle of Saint Lawrence. There, I was relatively
happy for six months. I passed the day in the countryside, climbing
through the mountains, and at other times, I would ride on a horse
through the immense fields that surrounded the castle. I had a thirst
for life... and there I was satisfied in part, but this happiness did
not last for long. The countess started by telling me that I had a
certain fatality over my destiny, and that illegitimate children should
disappear, so as not to corrupt society. She said I was the shame of a
noble family. The only way that I answered her was by my crying, and
that is how I have lived, the last of another six months. Then
yesterday, she told me, ‘I am going to have you meet a saint so
that you will learn to love God.’ You, without doubt, must be
that saint.”
“No, my
daughter, I am far from sainthood. But, I say again, God
has sent you to this humble abode so that your soul can find the rest
it so greatly needs. It is something that your soul has much need
of. But very soon, you will also get to know a very good woman
who does not dress in a black nun’s habit and, who will love you
as if you were her younger sister. In a few minutes, you will soon meet
her, as she comes every afternoon to water the garden.”
And so it was,
Maria arrived, and briefly I brought her up to date on
what had happened regarding Angelina. Then that morally noble young
woman hugged Angelina with such affection and spoke to her so sweetly,
that the poor girl said, “Dear God! If I am dreaming, I do not
want to wake up!” But finally, she was convinced that she was not
dreaming, when Maria took her home with her, where she would be staying
until my plans for Angelina were realized.
Without losing
time, I immediately left for the neighboring city
accompanied by Rudolf, where I asked to speak with Angelina's father in
secret. Her father was a nobleman, who unfortunately, had the weakness
of falling in love with the countess, but with such a love, that a
person only feels it once in a lifetime. But, the countess was a woman
without heart and soul, an immoral woman of noble birth; those types
were the worst.
The marquis knew
me, because he was a good friend of Rudolph’s.
It was he, it may be said, who had counseled Rudolph to come to my
parish and start a new life. When the marquis saw me, he was rather
surprised, more so when I told him, “I have need of you for a
while.”
“Of
me?” he asked.
“Yes, you.
Ask leave of your sovereign lord if you are actively
in his service.”
“I
do not need to ask, because it's been more than a year,
that due to my illness, I travel and come and go at my own pleasure. If
you have need of me, I can travel.”
“Well, you
will continue to travel,” I told him, “And
if at all possible, to leave this kingdom, would be so much the better.
I am going to entrust you with the custody of a young girl who has
powerful enemies. They want to force her to become a nun, but she would
rather die then be shut away in a convent. Therefore, your life will be
in danger, and it is imperative that you consecrate yourself to guard
and protect her from any harm.”
“Your
words are wrapped in mystery. Who is this young girl, you
are confiding in my care?”asked the marquis. “What sort of
a girl is she, who you wish for me to keep and guard? Do you consider
me that trustworthy?”
“Yes, I
do,” said Father Germain,”What... do you not
think yourself capable of respecting a young girl who is as pure
as an angel and, whose father thinks she is dead and whose mother has
abandoned her?”
The marquis
looked at me and I do not know what he read in my eyes, but
he grabbed my arm asking, “Is it possible? Where is she? You say
that she lives...”
“Come with
me,” I replied, “She is at my
parish.”
“My poor
daughter,” murmured the marquis, “Oh, how
many times have I thought of her, and been sorry for not stealing her
away from that mother of hers, who is so heartless that not even Satan
would want her in hell.”
We immediately
left and I told him everything that had occurred up to
that day. We arrived at the parish in the evening, and at my lodging,
they saw each other for the first time. Oh, how joyous were those
moments! Particularly when the noble girl, fixing her lovely eyes on
him, asked him with great sweetness, “Will you defend me?
Is this true? They want to bury me alive... But I have the desire to
live...!”
“And you
will live, my daughter,” said the marquis, his
voice full of emotion, “We will leave France and go to Spain, for
there it is always sunny and there are always flowers. I will make you
so happy and soon you will forget all your years of martyrdom in the
midst of such immense joy!”
The marquis
wasted no time, and in a few days, he had made arrangements
for the trip. Angelina disguised herself as pageboy, and the two of
them went, accompanied by two of his squires, all the way to Spain.
To try and
describe the joy Angelina felt would be impossible. When she
saw herself dressed as a boy, when she had convinced herself that she
had broken her chains, and when she looked and saw the noble figure of
her father, the purest satisfaction shown on her face. She turned to me
and said, “You have fulfilled your promise to me. You have made
me very happy. You have given me such felicity that I have never
dreamed of. Bless you! Not one day will go by in my life without my
blessing you, and if I eventually have children, the first name that
they will learn will be yours!”
Hours under the
sun, Maria and I enjoyed many sacred moments of
happiness, as we went a long distance accompanying Angelina and her
father down the road. When I embraced that dear child one last time,
and, the marquis (who was profoundly moved) said to me, “I will
never forget you!” I saw appear, a spirit dressed all in white,
her head crowned with jasmines, who looked at me smiling, like a
celestial angel!
Maria and I
fixed our eyes upon their path, and we remained looking at
the departing travelers until they were lost in the distance. Then, we
looked at each other and together we exclaimed, “Thank God!
One less victim!”
A few days
later, I sent for the countess to come see me and I did not
have long to wait. I took her to my quarters, and told her, “We
have to talk.”
“Did
Angelina take her vows?” she asked.
“No, she
does not want to become a nun.”
“But, she
is obliged to become one!”
“Well, it
will not be.” I said firmly.
“What?
What are you saying? Did we not have an agreement that I
would give you the castle of Saint Lawrence as a donation, on the
condition that Angelina become a nun?”
“Is it
that you wish to pay for the future well-being of your
daughter, by giving us a large castle?” I asked.
“If that
is not enough, ask, and I will give it,” she said.
“What can
you give? I want nothing from you! Here is your letter
of donation. Do you see it? Well, look at it well,” and I tore it
into a thousand pieces.
“What are
you doing?” she asked. “Have you gone
crazy? Well, I can see you are not in agreement with me.”
“I would
never be in agreement with you in committing the crime
of forcing your daughter to take the vows. It would be better to
assassinate her, because if she were made a nun it would be like
killing her slowly, and I did not wish this. So, I am staying with her.
I accepted your infamous donation because it was necessary to save a
victim. That is why I pretended that you had bought me. But keep this
in mind, I have never sold myself and I never will. There is not enough
gold in all the mines of this planet earth, to buy the conscience of an
honest man.”
“So, what
have you done with Angelina?”
“Only
what needed to be done. I gave her protection and
assistance.”
“In what
way?”
“It is not
important to you. What rights do you have over her?
None.”
“And, how
is that?” she asked.
“Because I
say you don’t. Oh, you can reclaim her if you
wish, through the law. But then you would have to tell them that a
mother forgot all about her child, something a woman should never
forget. Did you not want her to leave from your side? Was she not a
hindrance to you? Well then, she has gone! But she is free and happy
now. You wanted to kill her slowly, you wanted her to lose her mind,
but I have given her happiness. I have returned her to her father, who
for so many years cried because he thought his daughter was dead.”
“She’s
with him? What have you done? I am ruined!”
“Do not
worry, the Marquis will never bother you. He is much too
happy to think of you. Neither him nor Angelina will remember you,
because the vengeance of victims, is to forget their tormenters. Your
actions have horrified them, so they will forget about you, so as not
to suffer. He cried like a child upon seeing his daughter, so young and
lovely. Woman, without heart! Did you not have pity that such a young
girl, with so much life and love, was entombed within the depths of a
cloister, solely based upon the caprice of your will? That poor girl!
Oh, how much you have tormented her! But now she is free, thank God!
There is ‘one less victim’!”
The countess
stared at me, and it seemed as if she remembered a
thousand passions from her past which now made her suffer, and she
looked pale. But, hate still animated her eyes.
I stood up and faced her, eye to eye, as she trembled. I then said to
her, “You are a miserable reptile! You may delight in venomous
thoughts regarding how you may hurt me. You can do whatever you want,
now that your daughter is safe! But, woe unto you if you pursue her! I,
your confessor, will then become your judge, and I will turn you in to
the king. You know full well, I know your whole history, which is
horrible.”
“Oh, have
mercy on me! Please, mercy!” exclaimed the
countess, terrified.
“Calm
yourself, poor woman! You can continue your life of agony,
as you are one worthy of compassion, for there is no one on the earth
who can bless you. Continue raising ‘houses of prayer,’ but
know this full well, the prayers that you pay for, will not give rest
to your soul. Your soul has to grieve much, because those that
‘live by the sword, die by the sword’!”
The countess
looked at me with fright in her eyes, and she left me in a
hurry. Meanwhile, I calmly collected the ripped pieces of the legal
parchment that I had torn up, and like a child, I threw them out of the
window into the air. The little pieces of paper flew revolving around
like little butterflies, and finally they were lost upon the dust of
the road.
Then, I had to
laugh with melancholy satisfaction, upon considering
that my spirit, detached from the miseries of the earth, was turning
over riches, which had been improperly acquired, into the forces of the
wind and at the playful mercy of the breezes. I pondered the details of
that document and it horrified me to think, what if it had gotten into
the wrong hands?
Poor Angelina;
so young, so beautiful, and so full of life, and her
mother would have had her entombed within a nunnery. There that
unfortunate child would have gone insane and she would have denied the
existence of God. And now, what a difference!
Later, the
marquis wrote to me and told me that he is the happiest of
all men and that his daughter is an angel. Angelina also wrote and told
me, “Father German, how blessed I am! I owe you so much! My
father adores me, and surrounds me like a dazzling light. There is a
Spanish young man who says he loves me, and if it were possible we
would go to seek your blessings. How wonderful it is to live! I
sensed life, and I dreamt of happiness! At times, I dream I am back in
the convent with the women in black, who try to catch me and then I
start yelling, calling for my father and you. Then my servants wake me,
and upon awaking, I cry with joy because I find myself in the arms of
my father. Oh Father Germain, I owe you so much! The gratitude of one
lifetime does not measure up, to pay for the great benefits you have
given me!”
Ah, but I am
amply recompensed, because the satisfaction that my soul
feels is the tranquility of a soul who has fulfilled its duty. It is a
just price that God concedes to those who practice His Laws. Upon
reflecting on my efforts, I knew there was one victim less.
How blessed I
feel, Lord! How much I owe You! You have given me time to
progress, to recognize Your Greatness, and to pay homage by way of
reason regarding Your Supreme Truths.
You have
provided light to my mind, troubled by the errors of my past
lives. Bless You, Light of the Centuries! You, Who make souls immortal!
Father Germain