How
the years go by! It seems like it
was only yesterday! I was sleeping peacefully in one corner of the
rectory when the barking of Sultan, and the joyful laughter of a man
woke me up. He was playing with my dog as if he was a child; good souls
are always cheerful and sociable. The wealthiest landowner of my parish
came over and embraced me, and then he exclaimed, “Father
Germain, I am
so happy! Now, I have a daughter! She is so beautiful! She has large
eyes and they look like two bright stars. I've come to get you, so you
can come see her. But, she cannot be baptized until tomorrow, when my
brother arrives, who will be her godfather.”
I went with the good natured Anthony and soon we arrived at his home.
He presented to me a very beautiful infant with sparkling eyes. I took
the newborn into my arms and felt within my whole being such a
sensation of goodness, it was unexplainable. I looked intently at her,
and said out loud, “You should be happy with your good
fortune
because
unless I'm mistaken, your daughter will be an angel upon the
earth.”
Maria, undoubtedly, has been, and is a heavenly soul. She is so
good....!
The following day, my old church was decorated for the occasion; its
very old altars were covered with flowers and its dark walls draped
with greenery. All of the local children charged into the church
carrying olive branches and then, the daughter of Anthony entered the
house of the Lord on this most beautiful and auspicious
occasion.
Everyone and everything, breathed of happiness, innocence, and love.
Most of the poor of the parish, came to the church that day, and all
were generously assisted. The baptism of Maria was one of the most
successful events in the simple history of my parish.
How fortuitous it was that the parents of Maria should celebrate her
birth, because she came into this world with a great mission; she came
with the goal to love others unconditionally. Maria was one
of
the very few souls who I've seen, who truly fulfilled the laws of the
Gospel.
In general, women are endowed with great intelligence, which can be
revealed by the expression of their noble sentiments. It could be said
that, most women act always as if mothers, because they assist and
shelter the poor, help the disadvantaged, and intervene even on behalf
of wrongdoers. Maria, herself, has always been charity in action.
What a beautiful soul! She has sweetened the bitterness of my life with
the affection she has shown me, acting as if she were my own daughter.
She has even conscientiously taken care of the flowers on the grave of
my beloved. A few days ago, she gave me the most wonderful news that I
could ever have received in this world, and she knew perfectly well the
great kindness that she was rendering me.
One evening, when she and I were at the cemetery, she said with sadness
and a meaningful smile, “Father Germain, you are
becoming
prideful, your body is leaning forward, and you seem to be looking too
much at the ground. Is it because you soon plan on leaving this
world?”
“Yes, to be perfectly frank, my daughter, I await the hour of
my
death
with innermost happiness and at times, with much impatience.”
“Don't you know that when you’re gone, I'll have
much more
work to do
because instead of caring for one grave, I'll have two. But, I'll take
care of it so, as the saying goes, I can kill two birds with one stone;
I'll bury you together,” she said, pointing to her tomb,
“That way I
can take care of all the flowers without overworking myself.”
Upon hearing this, and seeing that my most intimate and private of
desires would be carried out, that my most heartfelt wishes fulfilled,
wishes that I would not have dared told anyone, I felt such profound
satisfaction and such an intense admiration for Maria. She let me know
where I would be buried so I could rest in peace, with such delicacy, I
was unable to do anything but put my hand on her head, and say with
great emphasis, “A woman always acts as a mother, and you
have
been as
a mother to me. You have understood the story of how my life has been,
and you've given me the certainty of the only happiness that is
possible for me, which is to sleep my last dream, next to the resting
place of the one I so adore. How happy you’ve made me, Maria!
I
owe you
so much!”
“I owe you more,” she said.
“No Maria. Never have I spoken to you of your importance
because
I know
what type of person you are, and since here on earth nothing is ever in
moderation, your modesty which is exceptional, is almost a fanaticism.
But, today, I'm prepared to undertake a long journey. So today, I will
tell you my good byes, because God only knows when I will be able to
speak with you alone. So let’s walk and have a long talk,
Maria,
because most likely in the days that remain to me, we’ll not
have
as
good an occasion as this one to speak.”
“But what is it? Do you feel sick?” she asked,
visibly
distressed.
“Sick, not exactly, but very weak, yes. I know that there is
not
much
time left before I will become much more fatigued, and if I
am
taken ill, I will become bedridden. Then I know, we'll never be left
alone. So, it being that it is the custom that people who are going to
pass away soon confess themselves, I'll confess myself to you. You can
also tell me your troubles, possibly for the last time. Let's go to the
‘Spring of Health’ and we'll sit there, enjoying
this
afternoon that's
so inviting.” Together, we left the cemetery.
That afternoon was beautiful! Maria and I sat down, and for a long
while we remained silent, looking at the tops of the distant mountains
crowned with old fir trees. After awhile, I looked at my companion, and
said, “My child, I'm very satisfied with your conduct. Since
you
were a
little girl, you have been humble, innocent, and affectionate. As a
young lady you have been loving, modest, and chaste. Today, now that
you're becoming of a more mature age, you are very dignified,
thoughtful, and enthusiastic regarding progress.”
I continued, “In the profound loneliness of my life, you've
truly
been
my guardian angel. When I have cried, in moments when my spirit felt
weakened and my church was as if it were like a tomb, I would see you
come in. It is then I would ask God for forgiveness for my rebellious
soul, because in your beaming look, I could read one word which said,
‘Hope!’”
“My child, I have had two loves in my life, you, whom I've
loved
as if
you were my mother and as if you were my sister, and she, the girl with
the black curls. I have loved her as one loves a first illusion of
love, and I've worshiped her in my memory, and I am gratified with the
idea of dying, solely so I may find her. Nevertheless, at the same
time, I feel very sorry leaving you and all the poor ones of my parish.
Yet, I'm content that you will remain and be here for them. But your
way of living does not please me, my daughter, you live too much alone.
Your parents by law of nature will leave this earth before you. I would
like to leave you married to a nice man, and more than one that I know
of, loves and respects you. But that same respect, is what impedes them
from directing themselves towards your attentions. You, that received
the blessed waters of baptism from me, I would like to leave you united
to a good man, and I would like in the name of God, to bless your
marriage.”
Maria looked at me firmly, and with a smile of sadness, spoke sweetly,
“Father Germain, you have told me many times that
‘a woman
is always a
mother’ when she knows how to feel for and to forgive others,
when she
knows how to pray for those who are wrongdoers, and when she rocks the
cribs of the orphan children. I love humanity very, very much and I am
concerned for all who are suffering; I am affected by the misfortunes
of others and I am attracted to their lamenting. I find myself so
predisposed towards universal suffering that I believe that it would be
egotistical on my part, if I were to consecrate myself, to the
happiness of only one man.”
“But, will you be happy living your life that way? You do not
know.
Believe me, Maria, I also love humanity; you know that more than once I
have risked my head being placed in a noose, to save the life of some
poor unfortunate soul. But, besides loving all people in general, a
soul needs (at least while on this planet) something for itself.
Without intimate love, one cannot live, and that kind of love, Maria,
you do not have.”
“Yes, I do, Father. I do have it.”
“Ah, you have kept secrets from me!”
“The same as you,” she said, “You never
told me until
now that you have
loved the girl with the black curls. But I already knew it, and I felt
sorry for you with all my soul, but so as not to add to your sorrows,
I've not wanted to tell you mine. But, giving my confession for yours,
I will tell you that I have dreamed like all women dream, and I've
found the reality of my dream, but it is as impossible for me to unite
myself to the one love of my life, just as it has been for you to do so
with the pale girl, the one with the crown of white jasmines.”
“Has he other obligations?”
“Yes, ties which make him a prisoner of his physical body,
but
leaves
his soul free. So that is how he loves me, although he has never told
me. But, I know his thoughts are always fixed on me. And I love him, as
one soul to another. I love him spiritually, not an earthly love full
of egotism and exclusivity. Mine is a love that accepts sacrifice, and
is ready to help with the progress of the individual one loves. I'll
know how to fulfill my obligations as you have fulfilled yours. I've
learned all of this from you. That is why when you told me at the
cemetery that I owed you much, I said that I owed you more, because I
owe you the tranquility of my conscience and the progress of a very
sick spirit. Believe me, the priest of a parish, is the spiritual
father of a great family, and children learn through his good examples,
and for my part I have learned from you,” she said.
“No, Maria, no, you already had brought with you into this
world
good
sentiments. Do you remember, when in the rectory, when you
were
no more than five years old, they called me all worried, and there
entered a poor man with a child covered in rags? You, upon seeing the
child, caressed him and you took him with you, and when no one was
looking, you undressed and put your clothes on the child, and you
dressed yourself with those rags. A year later, some poor jugglers and
other entertainers came into town, and you gave all your clothes away
to the children they had with them.”
“I concede that I may have arrived with good instincts but,
my
sentiments were awakened by observing your actions, and since I had
observed you giving away your clothes, Father Germain, I then told
myself, ‘everything he does I'll do.’ Children, for
the
most part, have
little initiative, they usually put into action what they see others
do. That's why it's so necessary to try and be good, not only for
ourselves, but principally for others to see us. Adults are like
mirrors which children look into,” she said.
“For the very reason that you understand so much the mission
of
mankind
upon this earth, is why I would like for you to form a family, because
your children would be models of virtue,” I replied.
“Refrain from your determination on this issue, Father
Germain,
it
cannot be. Besides, in the plans that I have, if I'm able to carry them
out, I will not have children with my body, but children of my soul. I
will establish hospitals for the aged and have healthy places for the
poor children to live. I will rescue abandoned youth from vices and
school them, and create havens for the blind. Then, when I leave this
earth, I will go looking for you, to ask you if you have been happy
with me and my works.”
“My dear daughter, your mission is very great, and truly, the
spirits
who come here like yourself, do not come to be selfishly happy, because
that type of happiness on this earth is mostly full of
egotism.”
“I do not know what I’ve come to do, Father
Germain, but
this I will
tell you, I have always dreamed of doing good, and I've always loved
you, because I have seen you sacrifice yourself for others and I have
proposed for myself, to second your great works. At times, as if I am
dreaming, I notice a pair of large eyes fixed upon me. Long ago, this
town wept because of your absence. Then one day, a man arrived and I
ran to meet him, to ask him for your liberty. I looked at him, and he
looked at me. And, I then realized that the eyes of that man were those
of the ones in my dreams, and from that very instant, I promised myself
that I would never give birth physically myself. My only children would
be all the orphans that I knew; all children of my
soul.”
She continued, “You have told me many times that man does not
have much
enjoyment of his accomplishments other than what he has conquered
within himself from past existences. You and I, undoubtedly in past
lives, have looked with criminal indifference at family life and the
sanctuary of the home. That is why, today, your life has been so
afflicted. My life will be as well, as I will be consumed with dreaming
of a heavenly existence, with the intoxicating look of those loving
eyes, with its promise of eternal happiness.”
“You're right, Maria. But, we will always have the
future.”
Then feeling tired, I returned to the rectory, with much to think about
regarding Maria’s confession. Although I knew quite well that
the
king
loved her, I had not known that he had been the man of her dreams. I
feel this mutual love was of providential design and this love came
from another life. The soul of Maria is very spiritually superior, and
that of the king’s is at a lower level. They cannot genuinely
unite
based solely on this mutual attraction in this lifetime. How could
they? Here are two forces which in reality repel each other? The love
that she has for him cannot be for the man himself, it is mostly
compassion for his soul.
In this material world, we are only able to see a very infinitesimal
part of the true reality of things, so we call many feelings one can
have, by the name of ‘love.’ Also, how many times
the
passions of earth
are no more than painful expiations or, the settlement of old debts and
terrible obsessions, in which almost always, the spirit is defeated
during these trials. It is usually the woman who ends up suffering the
most because she is more sensitive, passionate, forgives sooner, and it
takes her longer to forget these situations. That's why I have no doubt
in affirming that ‘women always are mothers’
because the
woman always
feels love no matter what. As a little girl, she is the mother of her
dolls, as a young girl she is mother to the flowers and the animals
which she lovingly cares for, and when she loves a man, she is like his
mother, because no matter how disagreeable he is, she always forgives
him. Even when she recognizes his faults, she feels sorry for him and
pardons him. I know women so well!
In the confessional, one knows about many, many sad stories! I've
regrettably been the confidant of the most intimate and painful of
sufferings! I've known such good women and that is why at times, a
priest becomes weak! What a contradiction! What a paradox! Priests are
told to flee from women, yet at the same time, we are told to empower
their souls, direct their steps in life, and awaken their good
sentiments. We are to look into their hearts like an open book, but
abstain from loving them, because it's a sin for priests. Since this
goes against natural law, there has always existed, and will always
exist abuse. While women confess to men, while there exists this
intimacy, it will be difficult to progress for some, and to advance for
others. Let's not ask men to refrain from stopping the development of
their sentiments, because their priestly habits and vows of celibacy
are nothing, against the sweet confidences of a woman. What absurd
laws! They have created scandals because they've tried to stop the
immutable laws of nature! How many scandals have come about because of
this theory of the temptations? And, how many existences have been
wasted because of empty sacrifices!
It is wrong to separate men and women when they are two beings that
should love, and spiritually advance themselves, through
their
love!
Oh, a woman...a woman always is a mother, because a woman... a
woman is always full of goodness!
Father Germain