EDITORIAL

TEXTS

Everything arrives subject to God’s Eternal Time! Everything has its fixed time for fulfilment! The hours bring their own distinct occurrences; but impatient man is not in conformity with the slow march of events, that for existences of minutes, to us should take only seconds.

Rudolph had told me, “Within fifteen days I will return.” Fifteen days have passed and he has not returned. My heartbeat quickened, with a yearning to hasten the hours on the watch of Eternity.

Finally, one day, upon leaving the cemetery, I saw Rudolph sitting near the ‘Spring of Health’, where he was looking closely at a girl who was filling her bucket with water.  Upon seeing him, I felt hot and cold at the same time, because just by looking at him I knew that another period of suffering was about to begin for me. I drew closer to Rudolph and touched his shoulder. He turned and upon seeing me, his face reddened, and he said while getting up, “I'm here.”
 
“It was time that you came because you have delayed too long in starting the most important work of your life.”

 We continued walking together and we sat down a distance from the spring, but during our walk I noticed that Rudolph kept looking back, to see if the girl was coming, too. She did not.
 
Ten months have passed.....every evening I had waited, praying to God to have mercy on him and I. Yesterday, he came. I felt the hoof beats of his horse from far off, and I ran with the agility of a child to meet him upon his arrival, and on seeing him, my whole being trembled.

He got off his horse, and said, “Father, it is good that you came outside, I feel like I am drowning, when I am indoors. I feel I need much air to breathe.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Where no one can hear us, because we must talk.”

“What about your horse?”

“He is well trained and will wait for me here.”

“Well then, we can go behind the cemetery.”

“No, no, I do not want to have anything to do with the dead.”

“Well then, let’s go to the ‘Spring of Health.’”

“Let’s go,” he responded, and we started on our way.

Everything was still; the inhabitants of the parish slept peacefully, the moon watching over them as they slept, the wind was quiet, nothing interrupted the profound silence of the night, and mother nature was prepared to hear the confession of a man. We arrived at the spring and sat down amongst the rocks. I looked at Rudolph and his gaze horrified me. One could tell he looked without seeing, his mouth was frozen in a bitter smile, his brow was full of deep creases, his breathing was fatigued, although we had walked slowly.

“What’s bothering you?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with me? Hell is within me.”

“Why is it that you've taken so long to get here?”

“Because I have struggled. When I arrived at Court it was decided that they were finished with you. I went to the palace and in front of the king, I did not know what I felt and I can’t explain it. When the King asked me what I knew about the history of the Duke of Hus, I answered, ‘It’s all lies, Lord, the tomb of the duke does not exist, his body is no where to be found.’ As I said this, hot irons seemed to be burning my throat, but... this is what I said, and for the time being you are saved.”

“I expected no less from you,” I said.

“Oh, don’t think I said this out of affection, nor out of fear of committing another crime, but I noticed a strange change in myself. All my life I've desired your death, but now, the very idea that you could die horrifies me. I believe that not having you in the world would leave me with nothing to live for. I do not like you, but I need you.”

Upon hearing these words, it appeared that the sky had opened up for me, because I saw that this rebellious spirit needed and wanted my consolation. This was something, because it was  for him, making the first step on the path towards progress.

“What are you thinking of doing?” I asked with enthusiasm.“Have you decided to live at your castle?”

“For now no, I still have a desire to command, to live and seek glory... but...since I came up this mountain I do not know what demons have possessed me. I still see the grass dry all over, always the same vision, it's the same with Bertha. She passes all her time in the chapel praying. When we see each other she says, with fear, ‘That man is a witch and he should be killed because he has bewitched us,’ I tell her she is right, but then in a moment, I take it back horrified. I told her adamantly, ‘You will be sorry if that man disappears from this earth. You will be sorry if one hair on his head is harmed!’ And I think of you in a manner that I have never thought about before. Now, when new problems arise, I immediately tell myself; ‘Go and tell him what is happening,’but I do not come often because so many things occupy my life. Today, I came to see you, abandoning everything else, to see if by being at your side, this accursed laughter that I've been hearing in my ears will stop. It has been one month since I have been hearing it, and it doesn’t allow me to live in peace. It matters not where I am, with the king, in the midst of a party, or alone in my quarters, everywhere I find myself, I hear the laugh of that poor crazy woman.”

 “That poor crazy woman, who is she? Who is this unfortunate woman who no doubt lost her reason because of you?” I asked.

“Who is she? A beautiful woman, Father, one whom I have loved, whom I have desired, with whom I have dreamt much of, but ultimately, have come to hate with all my heart.”

Rudolph remained silent for a while, finally saying, “Even here, she pursues me with her accursed laughter. That evil laugh! Even now I hear her voice as if from a distance, thank goodness, now I can hardly hear it. Do you hear it, Father?”

“No, I do not hear anything, but speak, tell me this new story, even though I know that hearing it, will make my heart will lament.”

“In a few words, I can tell you everything. My head huntsman had a daughter that today would be twenty years old. Since she was small, upon seeing me, she would run away crying terribly. She was very pretty. On the day that she became fifteen, I found her one afternoon in my gardens, and I noticed that when saw me, she tried to get away. But I gave her an order not to go, and I asked her,’Why do you flee?’ and she answered trembling, ‘Because I am afraid of you.’ I did not know what to tell her, and Elisea taking advantage of my silence, ran away. A year later, her father asked my permission to allow her to marry, which I gave. I wanted to honor her marriage ceremony with my presence, so I went. On that day, she was not afraid of me since she only had eyes for her young husband.”

“From that day forward, I wanted her, and desired her to love me, but all the efforts I made were in vain. Each time that I tried  to talk to her, she said, ‘In the past, you aroused fear in me, today, you incite in me horror, a horror that is irrepressible,’ then she looks at me in a way that leaves me cold.”

“Since then, we have been this way, till my love for her turned into a vicious hate. So I told her one day; ‘I have waited for a long time, and I will pay you back, one day at a time, for all the humiliations you have caused me to suffer.’ Then I sent her husband to carry documents for me on an errand to a neighboring town, on his way there he fell off his horse onto the road, and he never got up. I went to that ill-fated place and had her taken there, also. Upon finding her, I told her, “Come see your work. You have scorned me for the past five years, and I am in my rights being revenged for your disdain. Go, see your husband!”

“She ran anxiously, and upon seeing the body of her husband, embraced him. She looked at me, then coming from her, there came an outpouring of the most horrible laughter. At the same time, what was to me an incomprehensible strength of force, she grabbed the head of the body of her husband, and with the rapidity of a bolt of lightening, she dragged it to the nearby precipice and threw him and herself into the abyss, without ever stopping that laugh. Her laugh made even the mountains shudder! Their two bodies kept rolling down until Elisea was finally dead, and they were lost at the bottom. She never stopped laughing, that deplorable laugh which one has to hear, in order to comprehend the horror it incites. And since then, that wicked laughter resounds in my ears and I can’t live like this. At night, I see visions of that pathway of dry grass, and when I pray for her, I dwell on those two bodies, of Elisea and her husband. It appears she has not died because every once in awhile, she still stops to laugh in that terrible way. I cannot live this way, I can’t, because it seems I too am going crazy. Tell me Father, what should I do?” and after saying all this, Rudolph submerged himself in profound meditation.

I looked out at the sky because it horrified me to look towards earth, and for a long while I remained silent. Finally, I got up and putting my right hand on his shoulder, I told him with a solemn voice, “Rudolph, my son, the decisive moment has arrived, it's necessary for you to be near me, it is important that you hear my voice exclusively day and night. If you do not do this, I do not know what will become of you! You are a monster of iniquity! You have made rivers of tears flow, and those tears are the water which you will drink tomorrow, in the future, from the bitter cup of pain. Your future is horrible! Your expiation will appear to have no end, but to start that is the thing. Enough of these crimes! Compose yourself, Rudolph! Prepare for your journey. Come to my side, and from your ears here, you will leave the sound of the laughter from that poor crazy woman.”

“You're right, here I do not hear it as if it is so near,” said Rudolph in a soft voice. “Near you, my heart beats with less fury. What a strange mystery! I, who have always hated you, I have come to die near you.”

“No,” I said,“I will be the one who will die by your side.”

“What are you saying, Father? What are you saying? I do not want to stay in this world without you. If in killing all of humanity you would live, I think I would have enough strength to destroy everything, if in doing this, it would preserve your existence.  I do not want to be left alone, I do not want that.”

“Do not fear, Rudolph, do not fear. I will watch eternally over you,” I said.

“After you're dead, what can you do?” he asked.

“Perhaps, much more than now, because my spirit will have more lucidity in space than here on earth. I will be able to read into the depths of your heart, more clearly than now, and into  your soul.  I will be more in direct contact with your guardian angel. I know that I will still be alive, and in living, all of my solicitudes will be for you. But now, come quickly. I repeat this, we do not have time to lose. You have to come soon, very soon, my earthly life is ending, and I need to utilize my last days in helping you. There have been many criminals who I have conducted onto the right path, and God has granted me the grace that I may conduct you there, too.”

Rudolph got up and said, “I swear  to you that within fifteen days I will come to you, and even if they offered me a throne, I will not part myself from you.”

“Let it be so,” I said.

Slowly, we returned to the parish. His faithful horse was waiting for him, where we left him. Rudolph jumped on him and told me gravely, “What I have said, will be done, within fifteen days I will return here. Now, that I am drawing away from you, it seems the sound of that horrible laughter draws nearer,”and spurring his horse, it went into a gallop, and it all seemed like a fantastic vision. Nothing was left of him, other than a memory in my mind. I went into my study and submitted myself to thinking about that poor soul.

What a spirit, Lord, what a spirit! How many centuries will he have to suffer? How many sorrowful existences will cause him to suffer unspeakable torments? It cannot be any other way.

I may be able to influence his soul towards compassion. I may be able to help him to soften his feelings. I may be able to make him cry with tears from his heart. I will make him say prayers with that ardent discourse that resounds from world to world, and which are joyfully repeated by the spirits of light. Nevertheless, it is necessary to settle all accounts; it is essential to pay all debts.

Repentance prompts a spirit to ask for strength during the difficult trials of life, to brace with courage in suffering with resignation all its sorrows, to humble its pride, and to recognize itself as guilty and to ask God for mercy. Repentance provides for all this. But, it is not enough for one’s soul to be rehabilitated, by feeling one moment of indescribable pain. A life time of crime does not carry the same weight, on the Divine Scales of Justice, with one hour of truthful remorse. It would too convenient then, to sin, and God would be more Just than this. The guilty  cannot smile until he has suffered each and every torment he has made others undergo. A criminal has no right to be happy until this is accomplished, and since everything in nature is reasonable and logical, that is why I fear for the future of true criminals.

There are many criminals who have suffered the punishments of human justice who were more ignorant than guilty.  These beings before God are not held responsible, because it is necessary for the worst sinner to understand the evil that one did. Rudolph, I'm sorry to say, comprehends! He knows well enough that he abuses his power. How there are abusers! God, have mercy on him and me!  I understand that the sun (of my life) is setting and my physical strength waning.  I realize my thoughts become disorganized at times. When I am with the dead in the cemetery, it seems that it is difficult to leave there, as the earth seems ready to reclaim my body. My head stoops over and my steps falter, telling me that I am arriving at the end of my arduous and painful journey. But I would not like to die, until I'm assured that Rudolph will cry for his crimes and will consecrate the rest of his days practicing acts of mercy. Lord, I know that he is very guilty, but for You it is never too late to be rescued. I implore You, on his behalf, for that child of my soul! And then a secret inner voice affirmed that at one time, that forsaken one, on the earth, carried my last name.

Inspire and illuminate me, dear God, in the last days of my life, with the eloquence of the prophets, with the abnegation of the martyrs, and the supreme faith of the redeemers, because all the blessings of heaven are needed for me to save a soul from the abyss!

This I ask Lord, this is my only desire, that Rudolph will come to my side and that he hear in the distance the laughter of that poor crazy woman, so that he becomes horrified and so he begins to feel, so he can learn to cry. I want to gain hours, moments, seconds. I wish to give him light because he is blind!

In You I have confidence, Lord, I started life loving You, and wish to die practicing goodness in Your Name. Do not abandon me, Lord! Let me finish this existence fulfilling the duty that I imposed on myself, in consecrating myself to You!